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Are Affairs Just a Bit of Harmless Fun?

I never really thought that affairs were a bit of harmless fun. Nevertheless, what drove me to embark on the two I had in my 37 year long relationship was a deep sense of loneliness. Both men had shown a keen interest in me, listened to me and thought that what I had to say was really interesting. But are affairs just a bit of harmless fun even if they satisfied some of my deepest needs?

More than the sex what was really important to me in both cases was that I felt heard and understood.

Disaster Neither one of these affairs went anywhere mostly because my husband was the only man I ever really loved. Unfortunately for me, he was unable or unwilling to give me what I longed for - to feel that I was special and important to him.

Eventually I came to realise that the affairs only distracted me from the only approach that would have any integrity, namely to deal with my unhappiness directly with my (now ex) husband. I realised that, up until that point, I hadn't clearly communicated what I needed, what mattered to me, how lonely I felt, that what I really wanted was for him to show an interest in me, to listen to me and to be interested in what was going on in my life and for him to share what was going on in his. And I wanted all this from him.

Too late I discovered two things:

Honest communication is central to a loving relationship.
It takes two to keep the dialogue going

So are affairs just a bit of harmless fun? Perhaps in the beginning but I also learned that affairs don't solve anything. They just postpone the inevitable. Worse, they required me to lie and to cheat, both of which damaged me just as much as it damaged my marriage.

Rings Probably like an ex smoker who is passionately against smoking, I now feel passionate about fidelity. As far as I'm concerned, if the relationship is to have a real chance then trust and fidelity are fundamental. The other side of the coin is betrayal.

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