How to Survive Redundancy

Being made redundant from the one job I loved above all others felt devastating.

I don't know why I didn't see it coming. Rumours about redundancies had been flying about for the last few months but I always believed that referred to other people, not me so, when it came, I was totally unprepared, especially emotionally.

I felt bereaved. I felt I no longer knew who I was. My identity disappeared along with the job. That in itself was a huge struggle; the other one was of a more practical nature in that I had been the main earner. The loss of my job made a significant hole in our finances and I was overwhelmed with fear that our home would be repossessed.

Looking back, I can also see that I had lost all sense of proportion. I couldn't see that I had been trying to carry the whole financial burden by myself and now, with the job gone, I felt I had nothing left to contribute to the marriage. It slowly became clear to me that I needed to learn how to survive redundancy.

At first I felt totally numb, unable to think clearly, much less take any action, productive or otherwise. My strongest feeling was an irrational fear that no-one would ever employ me again. I felt useless and worthless. I hung out listlessly around the house drinking endless cups of coffee.

While I was in this vacuum all I could think about was how unfair the whole thing was, how I had not deserved what had happened to me. I had always worked hard and played by the rules and where had that got me?! Nowhere, that's where!

I kept turning things over and over in my mind wondering how I could have done things differently to bring about a different outcome by which I meant - no change, no loss of job, everything the way it was when life was beautiful, the birds sang, the sun shone and all was well with the world.

The future looked hopeless and bleak. The truth was that I didn't really trust myself. I was scared, I was worried and was riddled with self doubt. I experienced in a way I had never experienced before the extent to which fear clouded my judgement and narrowed my options - not that I recognised this at the time.

After a couple of weeks I had to admit to myself that I really had to learn how to survive redundancy and get a new job, fast. The company had offered outplacement assistance which I accepted. What I didn't accept was the counsellor's suggestion that this was a good opportunity for me to re-evaluate my talents, skills and genuine inclinations. The whole idea felt like a self-indulgent waste of time and time was the one thing I felt I did not have.

'All I need is for you to help me find another job; that's all I want', I insisted. That was just one of my poorer choices.

I did do all the 'right' things. I really tried to make job-searching a full-time 'job' as my own counsellor urged me to do but by noon I had been to my local library, read all the newspaper ads, phoned for application forms, wrote application letters and had umpteen cups of coffee. Then the rest of the day stretched out interminably before me - with lots of time to worry about what the future would bring.

As the days continued to pass and I had little to show for my efforts I started to become less discriminating. I started to apply for any job that came up, however unsuitable. From the adverts I would try to tease meaning out of the key words to make them fit into my own experience and, as unlikely as it may sound, I did get a few job interviews. As the outplacement programme included interviewing practice I became quite good at 'being all things to all people'. It was clear that the company interviewers, particularly with smaller organisations, were fairly inexperienced themselves and under pressure to fill vacancies.

Eventually I did get a job offer which I promptly accepted. I was not about to change one of the habits I had developed which involved sticking my head in the sand and not finding out too much about the job in case even I couldn't avoid recognising that the job was totally unsuitable.

Only when it was too late did I realise the mistake I'd made. I was expected to deliver in an area for which I was totally ill-equipped in terms of skills, knowledge and experience. I didn't last very long and eventually I was back where I started - unemployed and looking for a job.

Well, not exactly where I started because by then I had learned how to survive redundancy both in practical and in emotional terms.

One of the most significant things I had learned was the importance of doing reality-checks. That is the process of finding out information that would help me separate fantasy and groundless fear from genuine risks and pitfalls, and even options and opportunities I had not noticed were actually there.

In my case, my greatest fear had been the fear of destitution and of losing our home. As it turned out, there were not only State benefits available but also mortgage repayment holidays. Those steps helped to significantly reduce my anxiety and refocus my efforts.

The other thing I learned was that the process of finding a job required me to act in partnership with the recruiter by which I mean that both they and I are equal partners in determining whether or not I was the right person for the job and whether that was the right job (and the right company) for me. In short, the whole experience taught me the importance of taking responsibility.

I also learned that I didn't need to shoulder the whole burden of finding another job all by myself. Talking with people, seeking advice, sharing experiences without pretending that I had it all under control - an old habit of mine - enabled me to stay engaged with the outside world.

All these apparently small steps went a long way to increasing my self-confidence and while I had to start the whole job-searching process all over again I found that talking with people opened up new options that I hadn't considered before so, in keeping with my new belief that it was up to me to take responsibility as opposed to waiting for things to happen, I began to take on small personnel and training projects on a freelance basis.

This not only produced an income albeit small but it also enabled me to come off State benefits which also boosted my self-confidence.

The day came when I was invited to an interview for what looked like a very good position - around the same time that I was also offered an interesting freelance project. I decided to check out both.

The outcome - which could not be further away from how I had always seen myself (playing it safe, staying with what I knew, keeping well within my own comfort zone) was that I chose the freelance route.

By having learned how to survive redundancy I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I had become more flexible, less self-limiting, more willing to learn, grow and to take more calculated risks. My beliefs about what I could and couldn't do expanded and today I tend to think that that was the beginning when I actually started to learn to trust myself.

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