Learn Self Acceptance

Over time I have observed points of similarity in my clients' life journeys. Although the content of their story differs from person to person the process tends to be similar, one of gradual discovery.

They learn that they need to learn to love themselves - or, a term I prefer, to make friends with themselves - before they can create authentic relationships with others. They learn that they need to tell the truth to themselves first before they can even know what truths they need to tell others. And they come to see that they can create their own life experience consciously but, before they can do so, they need to learn self acceptance and to become self-aware. That's because, until they notice what they think, feel, say and do that works and doesn't work for them, they are unable to change anything. (see my article 'How To Change My Life')

As they progress through the coaching process they begin to see that resisting, struggling and blaming others for whatever is going wrong in their life are only some of the ways they contribute to the creation of the very life they declare they do not want.

As part of developing an authentic relationship with themselves they begin, little by little, to learn self acceptance, that is, they learn to accept all of themselves, not only the positive aspects but the negative ones as well. Taking a good look at their own negative qualities and accepting that they are part of who they are takes courage. Many resist confronting their darker side of themselves but those who do so learn that acknowledging and accepting their so-called unacceptable qualities has major and unexpected benefits.

First, my clients learn what these negative qualities actually are and are then better able to manage THEM as opposed to these qualities "DRIVING" my clients from the undergrowth of their subconscious.

But there is an even more important benefit. When they truly accept themselves fully, warts and all, they grow more genuine as a person. The benefits of this learning are huge in that they become less judgmental and more tolerant and compassionate.

One client commented, "How can I judge the flaws of others when I'm flawed myself?"

They still occasionally struggle and resist but mostly they no longer blame others when their life doesn't live up to their expectations.

Resisting, denying, deceiving and self-sabotage are part of our defence mechanisms but, when we become self-aware, we can catch ourselves and go back on track. Noticing how we get in our own way is the most powerful way to keep ourselves on track and continuing to create the life we are meant to live.

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