Dancing with the Mask - More Information

Introduction

It was not until my feelings of sadness, loneliness and resentment became so intense and I was practically on my knees that I finally surrendered to the possibility that there might be another way.

As soon as I became willing to look at myself I began to see how I kept deceiving myself, oppresing myself, struggling, resisting and blaming, and how this caused me to create a life experience that was loveless, meaningless and empty.

Stopping all those self-defeating and self-destructive habits and behaviours was the beginning of a journey that turned out to be an experience so unique and profound that I feel compelled to share it as widely as possible. The most important thing I learned about how to create a fulfilling life was this: first change yourself and then everything else will follow.

In the last few years I dropped my socially acceptable mask, I have become more authentic, I have created a life that is deeply fulfilling as a coach/mentor, speaker, workshop facilitator and writer and I continue to attract into my life many wonderful people. Most important to me is the fact that I have become clear about how I was able to do that. Along the way I have developed a set of beliefs and a series of tools that now form part of my teaching and the very foundation of my life. In turn, I have become privileged to witness many moments of insight and 'liberation' both on my courses and through my coaching.

This book is in two parts. Part 1 is an account of the forces that shaped me, that caused me to develop a personality that was intended to gain me approval and love. Although Part 1 examines my past I started writing it when I believed I had become fully self-aware and reached my goals. But as time went on, and I continued to feel isolated and disappointed I started recording everything that was happening to me as a way to understand why so little had changed. I had not anticipated that there would be a Part 2.

Part 2 became a moment-by-moment account of my inner struggles, the problems and challenges I met and how I dealt with them. It was only afterwards that I realised that Part 2 was a direct record of my journey towards authenticity, a journey that is on-going.

In this book I go deeply within myself which enabled me to develop a detailed roadmap of the inner processes of change and transformation as truthfully and emotionally open as I know how. This book will support and encourage you, the reader, to examine the role you play in the creation of your life and shows you how to transform your reality.

Book Reviews

Reviewed by John Mandry, 'The Friend'

Sue's autobiography is a two tales side-by-side, one external; one internal, amix the geographical and psychological.

The first part deals with her early life in the Argentine and the second with her life in the UK/USA/UK to date.

Her parents fled Central Europe in 1938 and spent 6 years in Bolivia where her parents wandered across the Chacos. In 1944 they moved to the Argentine where Sue was born in 1945.

Sue's parents had an overwhelming fear of getting too closely identified with either the children of Jews or the children of the Nazis who fled to the Argentine when the writing was on the wall. He continually impressed upon Sue of the need for an anodyne personality. Not only was she forbidden to identify with classmates or neighbours; she was also, albeit inadvertently, prevented from identifying with herself. Neutrality par excellence, deferring to others and reflecting what she thought they expected to see.

The second part of Sue's story starts in 1965 at the age of 20 when she came to the UK having left school at 14 and taken courses in typing and English. Shortly after arriving she met and married Jim, her husband of 37 years. She supported him in his technical studies by doing various office jobs. On graduation he was "brain drained" to the USA.

Jim was made redundant and they moved back to the UK, variously in Hertfordshire and Gloucester with Sue doing secretarial work. In the 1970's both her parents moved to Gloucester and Sue remained in close contact with them and gives a moving account of her father's death.

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Her parents objected when she began a Further Education course in Human Resources. Jim, however, supported her in her studies. She went on to become an HR Manager and a Senior Sales person yet nothing she did produced the love she so longed for. Only when she met and started to work with Alan, her life coach, did she begin to unpick the bits of the Masks she wore and this work helped her to become her own woman.

Her day-by-day account of the mental/physical parting from her husband should make anybody who thinks that the break-up of a childless marriage is just inconvenient, think again. The physical pain of moving into a separate room in the marital home bursts through the printed page. With the aid of Alan and many friends she came through the other side of the black hole of life.

She has had the courage to write about what most of us only think. She has finally removed the Masks she showed to others and, perhaps more importantly, the ones she showed to herself and become the woman she is today.

What they say

Reader's letter

"Thank you for writing "Dancing with the Mask". The impression it has left is deep and strong. You write with honesty and love, and trace with understanding the path you have travelled to reach your present strength. People will be helped through your book. Your example shows both courage and humility." Alathea B

"I was moved and enthralled by the book. I felt empowered to look at certain aspects of my own behaviour and relationships. I cried and I laughed, and I found myself thinking about what I had read for days afterwards."
Dinah L

"There was so much of myself I recognised. It was as if someone had switched the light on and sighed "Finally, you see what you have been doing and it's now time to stop."
Yvonne B

"This book is extremely generous - open, honest and filled with treasures, signposts and delight. It touched my heart and inspired me. It shows what is possible and it shows how change can come about even in the most difficult situations."
Jane L

"I identified with a lot of the emotions and fears expressed."
Annette S