Ask anyone how they feel about it and they're likely exclaim, 'It's horrible!', as they thrash about in uncertainty and not knowing which way to turn.
Not knowing is deeply uncomfortable and there is an urge in us that drives us to fill the gap with something - anything. The relief of 'knowing' can be huge but fatal because it leads us towards mediocrity.
This type of 'knowing' and 'certainty' is fool's gold. It is false and limiting. Once you 'know' your world, your options and your choices narrow significantly. There is a wealth of options and choices still out there but you can't access them because now you filter them out - because now you 'know'.
This insight is not an abstract concept to me. Not knowing used to make me feel intensely vulnerable and I hated feeling vulnerable. I would feel stuck and helpless, and I hated feeling stuck and helpless. Feeling anxious and confused was most definitely a place of intense discomfort.
I remember one particular situation. At the time I was still working full time at the Institute of Directors but I was beginning to yearn for a different life and doing very different work. I was being drawn to give up my job and start my own business yet I felt trapped in fear and confusion.
I knew what I wanted to do but the fear that kept pulling me apart centred around giving up a well paid job with a regular salary coming in. This anxiety and the confusion about not knowing how I could make it all happen was emotionally draining and, what was worse, I could see no way out of it. I was literally running around in circles in my head.
It took a lot of determination for me to resist letting myself not know for as long as it took which turned out to be the best part of a year. I began to realise that any answer or solution that would arrive very quickly was only a defence mechanism to make myself feel safe and secure. I dimly realised that this would only keep me limited, trapped, stuck within the familiar - certainly neither safe nor secure.
My way of grappling with my dilemma was to talk about it to friends and anyone who would listen - the value of this process was not that the listener would come up with some pearl of wisdom - even though that sometimes did happen - but that I would. All I had to do was to let myself articulate what was in my heart - without analysing, thinking, censoring or editing it.
That process took as long as it took and, in that particular instance, the outcome led me to the life I'm leading today, the one I'm meant to live.
The content of the story is irrelevant. What matters is the process, particularly the letting go of the need for certainty and letting yourself stay with the discomfort. And then keep listening to yourself when you talk with people or when you write in your journal; listen and notice for as long as it takes until you reach that space that feels absolutely right.
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