Is your Relationship Not Working ?

We invest a lot of emotional energy in our relationships. One minute we think we're doing well, the next it's like someone switched off the light or pulled the rug from under our feet - and we never knew what hit us.

If you're anything like me, you might think that, if only "they" would change, everything would be alright and, again, if you're anything like me, you might resist tooth and nail the idea that you might, in some unintended way, be contributing to the situation.

The first question you might like to look at is 'is your relationship not working?'

You might then like to ask yourself - how do you aggravate the problem? To what extent do you actively participate in the relationship? Are you really there, not just physically but emotionally as well or do you believe in the "no news, good news" approach?

In my own situation, I used to feel lonely and isolated in my marriage. Then, one day, a friend suggested to me what I'm suggesting to you, namely that I consider the extent to which my own behaviours caused my ex (because I left it too late) to withdraw from me. I could give you a list as long as my arm of the ways I contributed to the impoverishment of my marriage but, since our situations are different, it would be of little help.

So, if you started wondering 'is your relationship not working?' then asking your partner could be a huge step forward, as long as you're willing to listen with an open heart and an open mind. By the time I realised that he might have some deep resentments, my ex-husband swore everything was fine - end of story. But, of course, it wasn't. It was just too late.

Eventually, I also came to realise that I couldn't mend my relationship all by myself which is why I urge you not to leave it too long - at least, not if you value what you have.

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